Heritage Hindi
The Phrases Your Dadi Is Waiting to Hear
A small set of warm, आप-register (āp) lines for the weekly call home — what each one really means, and why it lands with a grandparent.
You don't do missing in Hindi. The missing comes to you — आती है (ātī hai) — uninvited, on its own.
The two-second pause on the line
You know the pause. The satellite delay on a call to India, two seconds wide, and your Dadi's voice coming through it a little thinner every year. She asks you something in Hindi. You understand every word of it. Then the gap opens, and you fill it the way you always do — you hand the phone to your mum, or you answer in English and watch her nod at a language she is too gracious to say she has lost you in.
What follows is just the handful of things you would say to her if the words came. Five short lines, all in the आप (āp) register — the respectful 'you' that Hindi keeps for elders, never तू (tū), never even तुम (tum) with a grandparent. The respect is already inside the grammar: choose the right word and you have shown it.
You already have the ears
You are not starting from zero. A lifetime at the dinner table trained your ear to this language's rhythm long before you could read a word of it. The understanding never left. You simply never had to speak it back — until now, on a line that keeps getting shorter.
So treat these lines as sound first. Say them aloud, imperfectly, into the phone. Dadi has waited a long time to hear your voice try; she is not grading you.
Open the way she opens
Open the way she opens. The greeting depends on your family, and every one of these is Hindi: नमस्ते (namaste) works for anyone; many Hindu families say राम राम (rām rām); in Sikh and Punjabi homes it is सत श्री अकाल (sat śrī akāl); and if yours is a feet-touching family, a quiet प्रणाम (praṇām) as you lower your head will undo her completely. Pick the one that sounds like home.
Then the question that always follows: आप कैसे हैं? (āp kaise haiṁ?, how are you?). Listen to the हैं (haiṁ) — plural, honorific, the verb itself bowing to her age. To a cousin you would say कैसे हो; to Dadi, कैसे हैं. For a grandmother you can also say आप कैसी हैं? (āp kaisī haiṁ?), with कैसी agreeing in the feminine — both are warm and correct. It is a small grammatical courtesy, and she will hear it at once.
The one line worth learning first
If you learn one line, learn this: आपकी बहुत याद आती है (āpkī bahut yād ātī hai, I miss you a lot). Word for word it says your memory comes, a lot — and that is its quiet beauty. In Hindi you don't do missing; it arrives on its own, uninvited, and the verb आती (ātī) agrees with याद (yād, memory), which is feminine, not with you. A grandson and a granddaughter say it exactly the same way. Nothing to adjust for gender. Just the thing itself, carried across the ocean on a two-second delay.
Say आपकी (āpkī) — the respectful your — and she will hear, inside one small word, that you have placed her above yourself.
The question that means 'I love you'
In our families, love rarely announces itself. It asks whether you have eaten. खाना खा लिया आपने? (khānā khā liyā āpne?, have you eaten?) is the oldest tenderness your grandmother knows, and turning it back on her — asking her, for once — will catch her off guard in the best way. In a house where 'I love you' was never quite said out loud, this is how it was always said.
The grammar is doing quiet work underneath. आपने (āpne) is the respectful 'you' marked as the one who did the act; खा लिया (khā liyā) is the act, done and sealed. You are asking whether she has been looked after, and she will know the difference.
Say it plainly, then ask for her blessing
Then the two things we leave unsaid for whole lifetimes. First, plainly: मैं आपसे बहुत प्यार करता हूँ (maiṁ āpse bahut pyār kartā hūṁ) if you are her grandson, मैं आपसे बहुत प्यार करती हूँ (... kartī hūṁ) if you are her granddaughter — I love you very much. The only thing that moves is करता / करती (kartā / kartī), the verb bending to your gender, not hers. Choose your form and mean it.
And then, if it suits your family, ask for the thing she most wants to give: आशीर्वाद दीजिए (āśīrvād dījie, please give me your blessing). दीजिए (dījie) is the gentle, polite form of the आप imperative — you are asking, with respect. Across many Indian homes — Hindu, Sikh, Jain and beyond — an elder's blessing is the real currency of the call, and asking for it hands Dadi back her role. If a blessing sits oddly in your family, the greeting and the याद (yād) line carry all the love you need. The point was never to perform Hindi perfectly. It was to let her hear you reaching.
Say it today. Compose a warm, respectful message to your grandparent — Devanagari and roman, ready for WhatsApp.
Write to your Dadi now →Questions people ask
Which 'you' do I use with my grandparents — आप, तुम, or तू?
Always आप (āp). Hindi has three levels of 'you': तू (tū) for intimates and small children, तुम (tum) for friends and peers, and आप (āp) for elders and anyone you respect. With a grandparent, आप is the only one that fits, and it carries the rest of the sentence with it: the verb shifts to the honorific plural, so you say आप कैसे हैं? (āp kaise haiṁ?, how are you?). Reaching for तुम with Dadi lands wrong, even when you mean it warmly.
I'm a woman — is it करता हूँ or करती हूँ?
करती हूँ (kartī hūṁ). In मैं आपसे बहुत प्यार करती हूँ (maiṁ āpse bahut pyār kartī hūṁ), the verb agrees with you, the speaker — so a woman says करती (kartī) and a man says करता (kartā). It catches people out because the verb tracks the speaker's gender, not the listener's: you would say करती हूँ to a grandmother and a grandfather alike. Not every phrase shifts, though — आपकी बहुत याद आती है (āpkī bahut yād ātī hai) stays the same for everyone, because there the verb agrees with याद (yād), not with you.
My grandmother is a woman — should it be आप कैसे हैं? or आप कैसी हैं?
Both are respectful and both are correct. आप कैसे हैं? (āp kaise haiṁ?) uses the standard honorific plural and is always safe. आप कैसी हैं? (āp kaisī haiṁ?) makes कैसी (kaisī) agree in the feminine, which some speakers prefer when addressing one woman. Either will sound caring; if you are unsure, आप कैसे हैं? is the dependable default.
My family isn't Hindu — is आशीर्वाद दीजिए still right?
Yes. Asking an elder for their blessing — आशीर्वाद दीजिए (āśīrvād dījie) — is a cultural gesture shared far beyond any one religion, familiar in Hindu, Sikh, Jain and many other Indian homes. If it still feels like a stretch in your family, simply leave it out; the greeting and आपकी बहुत याद आती है (āpkī bahut yād ātī hai) carry plenty of warmth. And choose the greeting that fits you — नमस्ते (namaste) for anyone, or सत श्री अकाल (sat śrī akāl) in a Sikh household.
I can follow spoken Hindi but can't read Devanagari. Does that matter here?
Not for the phone call. These five lines are meant to be spoken, and your ear is already ahead of most learners, so learn them as sound and use them tonight. Reading the script (the script trainer needs no account) is worth doing next, because it turns the Hindi you hear into Hindi you can look up and keep — but it is not a gate you have to pass before you talk to Dadi.